My problem with the Olympics is that there is no truly universal game; thus, it is unfair to have nations compete when some have inherent advantages. Wealthy nations with the resources to play luxury games benefit. I don't believe that we should be celebrating countries who have enough resources that they can just waste their time playing handball or getting really good at shooting air-rifles.
That is why I propose we make the following changes for Rio 2016- the following substitutions make the events more universal, and thus even the playing field. They will also make the games more exciting to watch:
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| Imagine how much fun she would be having after 6 Natty Lights |
Yes, ping pong is fun. But it is perhaps the most lopsided sport in Olympic history; out of 28 possible gold medals, 24 have been won by China. Big Surprise. Meanwhile, countries with less access to Ping Pong tables, like Yugoslovia, have remained medal-less. Let's even the playing field and make the game more exciting to play and watch, by adding beer.
Proposed Sport: Flip Cup
We get it: Jamaican people are fast. We don't need 15 different races to tell us that. Sprinting is an ancient tool originally designed to escape danger, like wooly mammoths. In this day and age, sprinting is really pretty useless; that is why they should replace it with flip cup- a sport which tests both the ability to control substances and manual dexterity.
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| Don't think she'll be celebrating after drawing a ten. Categories is my specialty. |
Plus, I really want to play never have I ever with the dutch field hockey team.
Well, that's it for my olympic substitutions. With these changes, we can level the playing field and make the olympics more than just an excuse for the rich to get richer. We can truly give the world the celebration of sport and accomplishment that it deserves. Also everyone will be drunk.