How to Name a Baby

I've spent the past week in the Labor and Delivery suite, delivering babies and watching the miracle of new life. While there, I have noticed the trend of people giving their babies crazier and crazier names. Seriously, Nicholas Cage named his kid Kal-El!

What's a new parent to do? Play it safe with something boring, or roll the dice with something unique and almost ensure your kid gets mocked his entire childhood?

No worries, I'm here with my top 5 baby names. You will notice they are all boys names; I plan on only having sons.

5. Tej- In addition to being a phenomenal name, this option gives my son the opportunity to get the nickname T-bone. I always wanted to be called T-bone.

Normally I am a hero- will I be able to
create enough conflict in Raj's life
to make a Bollywood love story?

4. Raj/Rahul- By naming him one of the most common names from typical Shah Rukh Khan love stories, I will help my son start living out his (probable) dream of living a real life Bollywood movie. To help him out further, I will play the typical Bollywood father and disapprove of all of his relationships, be extremely strict, and just create tension and drama in general. Raj Badlani is going to have to sneak around my back for his trip to Switzerland!

3. Tyrell- I always thought it would be really funny to give my kid a name that makes him sound like a completely different race. While carlos is a pretty sweet option, black is the obvious race to go with. In addition to entertaining me, this name will likely strike fear into my son's peers on the playground at the mostly-white prep school he will likely attend.

2. T-bone- This will be both awesome and ironic because he will be vegetarian. 

1. Jayshiv II- I have always thought roman numerals are sweet. The problem is that sequels never quite live up to the original- if this kid is a loser, I can change his name to Popat or something.