Shree Param Parameswaran of the Aandalakkumeyyan Temple was awarded the Hindu Prayer Association's Priest of The Month award earlier today by the Associated Press. The 52-year old Parameswaran edged out Sheelu, a spider-tailed monkey from Amritsar, for the award which is given every month to the holiest priest who can pay off a majority of the voting reporters. Parameswaran received 47 of the 48 votes; Sheelu had found a 100 rupee note in a tree.
“This award is long overdue,” Parameswaran announced to a crowd of children and cows. “I’ve been the best priest for years. Burnt the most ghee, smashed the most coconuts, burnt the most mosques. What more can a priest do?” Parameswaran then drank a glass of clarified butter.
“I am the best Hindu priest,” Parameswaran continued. “I’ve read all the Vedas – the Rig Veda, the other Veda, the Veda where Ram wins the Quidditch Cup for Gryffendor. And parts of the Bible. How can I not be at the top of the priest rankings?” There is not now, nor has there ever been, such a ranking system.
This month marks the first time the Priest of the Month award was not won by Jackie Schroff. Although clearly not a priest, Schroff has always been extremely popular.
Asked about his future, Parameswaran said he next plans to “prank some Zoroastrians.” Yash Raj Films has announced that it will be releasing a movie on the life and struggles of Parameswaran later this year, starring Shah Rukh Khan, with Johnny Lever as Sheelu the monkey.
By Shawn and Jay