Jayshiv's Guide to Ending a Relationship

It's everyone's favorite time of the year- the holiday season. For most people, that means two weeks of egg nog, family fun, hot chocolate and mistletoes. But for celebrity heartthrobs, like me and Justin Bieber, it means something quite different: relationship doom.

But why?

Taylor Swift wonders why everyone breaks up
with her, yet puts in little effort by donning
hideous pajamas in her music video

I'm glad I asked. Christmas time really gets us thinking about what's important in life. Look at your partner- unless you have a thing for drug addicts, daredevils, cougars, or someone else likely to die way before you, chances are you will have to spend the rest of your life with him/her unless you end it now.

And even if you do think you've found your life partner, nobody wants to buy gifts, so you might as well break up temporarily anyways.

But how do you break up easily while keeping your good guy image? Luckily for you, I've created this handy BREAK UP GUIDE to help!

THE GUIDE:

TIP 1: Pull the trigger first
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift and whoever she was dating, and Mark Sanchez and Eva Longoria have all already called it quits this holiday season. The lesson: everyone is looking to end a relationship right before Christmas. Since your significant other is likely one of the other three people reading this blog, you need to break up first so you don't look like the loser in the relationship.

Justin Bieber clearly didn't read my guide to break ups.

TIP 2: Make Up a Phenomenal Reason Why
If you're reading this post, so far your reasons for breaking up are (1) You don't want to go shopping and (2) Mark Sanchez did it. While these are logical reasons to me and you, chances are your soon-to-be-crushed significant other won't be so understanding. You need a better reason.
People have heard all the cliches already, so I recommended getting creative by borrowing from a movie plot. Maybe you have to go back in time to save the world like in Back to the Future. Or maybe you just found out you are a wizard and don't want to date a muggle because you're a Slytherin, like in Harry Potter. Just don't make the same mistake I did and borrow the plot from Twilight- girls love vampires.

TIP 3: Make sure you either get all your stuff back now or try to emotionally detach yourself from those possessions. 

I once stayed in a relationship in the '90s for several months longer than I wanted because I didn't want to lose some pogs.

TIP 4: Break-Up in Public
Breaking up in public is usually recommended so your new ex can't go psycho and attack you. But it also has the added benefit of creating a public spectacle- this will create a scene and draw people towards you. And trust me, you will need all of the friends you can get, because now you are all alone.