How I want to go out

Two weeks ago, Whitney Houston passed away. The loss of a young woman who has touched millions of people with her music is truly tragic.

Whitney Houston will smile on my
party from the heavens

Almost as tragic is the rather ho-hum way which she went; she was found dead in a hotel room. For someone who lived a fantastic life in the spotlight, Whitney's death was more boring than the NBC dud situational comedy Whitney.

When I die, it is going to be spectacular. You are going to get your money's worth, assuming I can successfully predict when I will die, and organize a way to charge people admission for the event. Anyways, here is the scenario I have planned out in my head. Keep in mind this is a rough draft.

The Scene: July 30th, 2087. My hundredth birthday party, held at the hottest spot in Vegas. We live in a grim future where biotechnology has allowed evil clones to take over the world.

The party turns sour when I get into an argument with a bunch of NBA all stars over mathematics (all NBA players are Asian following the rise of Jeremy Lin in 2012). The party then gets crashed by an army of futuristic, communist clones of Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, and their leader: a real-life incarnation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nemesis- The Shredder, who has somehow been brought to life.

Also crashing the party is a really wasted Anirban, who I had left off the invite list.

After Parag and I defeat Anirban and NBA MVP Jeremy Lin IV in a game of beer pong, I start using the ping pong balls as deadly weapons, single handedly taking out the entire army, leaving me and the Shredder to fight hand-to-hand.

The Shredder on ruining my birthday
and contributing to my death:
"Sorry for Partying, Bro"

I have already suffered many wounds, not to mention probably being really drunk (this is my hundreth birthday party, after all). Nonetheless, I defeat shredder and rescue the most beautiful girl in the world; we kiss passionately while Katy Perry's Firework plays in the background, before I succumb to my wounds.

An afterparty in my memory is held at the Spearmint Rhino. Neil D. gets kicked out for being too rowdy.