Now, as many of you may know, I have been single for a long time. The reason? I’m just looking for the right girl. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that my tough criteria is THE ONLY reason that I’m a bachelor.
Since no girl seems to be getting it right, I thought I’d share my rating system. Hopefully someone will take a hint, Avik.
Anyways, here we go; the rating system is out of 100 points, and if you score under an 80, I will not look at you romantically unless you can make Chipotle-style Burritos. The reason you scored so low was probably because you got fat from guacamole, and hey, I can relate.
THE RATING SYSTEM:
Now, hold on a second. Before you go and say “Oh Jayshiv, you chauvinistic Indian boy who will only date light skinned Indians and will push darker Indians to cry because you’re superficial and sort of racist too,” let me explain that when I say “fairness,” I don’t mean skin tone, but rather how fair of a judge the girl is. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be dating Judge Judy! (I realize this system is flawed because Judge Judy would score 10 out of 10, and I am working to fix it.)
I want a girl that can make me smile without having to play the Lloyd Banks/G-Unit song I jus wanna see you smile.
15 points- Personality
You know what I hate? When you’re talking to a girl and it’s just like she’s interviewing you and she just keeps on asking you questions about like your work experience and finance, but she doesn’t contribute anything interesting to the conversation herself, and then you find out the next week that J.P. Morgan hired fucking Daniel Liu instead of you anyways.
9 points- Smile
The thing that always catches my eye first is a girl’s ass. Unfortunately, I had to replace it on the ratings system with smile after a mistake involving my good friend Avik last summer.
51 points- Skin tone.